How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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