So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you didnt know i had herpes?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
