I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
