I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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