Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
