Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
