I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
