why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize