too bad you live with your parents still
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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