Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
