Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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