I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
