he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
