God, you're like boner-b-gone
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
