Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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