A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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