the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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