I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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