goodnight i made you a song goodbye
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
