apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
