he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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