Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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