can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
