I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
