i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
