nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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