He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
