My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
