I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
