$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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