Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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