i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize