Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
