I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
