Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
