Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
