Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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