The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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