proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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