the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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