Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
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