didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize