My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
