You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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