break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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