you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
