Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
