I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize