Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How does one acquire holy water?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
