My friends, they love my intelligence
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
