What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
