she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
