i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
