I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
