Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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