We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
