so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
