Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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