No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
