Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
