his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
