Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I could fuck to npr.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
